The Gray Beaver

Well, from the time I began working on this little business adventure, I knew there would come a time when my daughter would need to know about the Beaver.  She just started third grade.  We were sitting on the couch, and I was talking to her about the Dallas Women’s Expo this weekend.  I told her I was going to be taking all these Beavers to the show to display them and sell them.  I also mentioned that she shouldn’t talk about “Mommy’s Beaver” to anyone at school, that this was a family “thing” that no one else needs to know about, ESPECIALLY her teacher.  Up until now, she has always just said, “Okay, Mom.”  But this time, she said, “Why?”

Oh, goodness…here we go…..

(Keep in mind that my husband is in the other room with his eyes as big as silver dollars as I have this conversation)

Me: “You know how all girls have a vagina?”

Her: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, you know how we call our vaginas our “chachies”?

Aside note:  I had promised myself never to do this.  I wanted my children to know the real names for their body parts.  Now I have an entire company and product line that completely contradicts my original intentions.  Funny how life is.  So, the word “Chachie” came from my little sister while we were growing up and for some reason, it stuck.  Although, I will say that when Keebler came out with their snack, Chachos, I laughed till I almost peed my pants, but that is a whole other story.  Back to the real situation:

Her: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, there are other words for vaginas besides chachies.”

Her: “Oh.”

Me: “Some people call their vaginas a beaver.”

Her: (confused) “Why?”

Me: “I don’t know, they just do.”  ”ANYWAY, you know how mommy has gray hair on the top of her head, and how Daddy is always trying to pull it out?”  (do you see me digging a larger whole for myself by the second?)

Her: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, sometimes your hair gets gray down there, too.” (Pointing to my personal area)

Her: Giggling.

Me: “So, a Gray Beaver is a way of telling someone that they are getting older, without saying it out loud.” “This stuffed animal is a funny way to tell someone, ‘Hey, you’re getting old!’ “You see?” “Isn’t that funny?”

Her: (wrinkled nose) “I don’t get it.”

Me: (thinking to myself) “Oh, of course not.” “So excited to tell her where babies come from!” 

Needless to say, if I receive a note from Mrs. P telling me that my daughter mentioned that I have a gray beaver, I will not be in the least bit surprised. Mortified, yes.  Surprised?  Not so much.

Have a GRAY’T day!

Lauren Dance

The Queen Beav

www.thegraybeaverclub.com

Anyway, after much searching, I finally found this darling video!  You couldn’t wipe the smile off my face!  To finally see my product in action, giving people lots of laughs and innuendo; it was priceless.  I loved it and watched it many, many times.  So, when you are searching this particular website, it gives you links to similar type videos.  Well, as I was scrolling down, I see this video entitled “Time To Go Brazilian When Your Pubic Hair Turns Grey!” and of course, HAD to look at it.

Well, lo and behold, there are these two hilarious women up in Canada that have a radio/internet talk show all about BEAVERS!  What are the chances?  So, I got in touch with them and we have been emailing back and forth ever since.  So much fun, and definitely kismet!  Check out the video here: Beaver Talk

Have a GRAY’T day!

Lauren Dance

The Queen Beav

www.thegraybeaverclub.com

We are the group the food servers despise.  We occupy at least two of their tables for hours on end, and although we tip appropriately at then end of the evening, we are loud, boisterous, sometimes crude, and generally a pain to serve: extra this, this on the side, this instead of this, you know the drill.

Well, wouldn’t our new product be the PERFECT little gift for you to take to your next Girls Night Out party?  How hilarious to throw out The Gray Beaver Fixer-Upper™ to all your friends at the table? 

Can you imagine the look of horror on the male server’s face when he sees 10 women with pink compact mirrors that say Gray Beaver Fixer-Upper™ (g.b.f.u) on them?  Priceless.  Definitely worth it. 

Buy some today, throw them out there, and then email us and let us know what happened. 

Gray Beaver Fixer~Upper™

A girls night out to remember,

we’re sure.

www.thegraybeaverclub.com

When I launched The Gray Beaver Club™, I had the hope that women would wrap their arms around the concept, that they would love it as much as I did.  I honestly didn’t expect a response as fabulous as I have already received.  It’s amazing, and it illustrates how incredible women are, and how they rally around their friends, and how laughing is ultimately how most of us make it through this crazy life!

I’ve received loads of comments regarding The Gray Beaver Club™.  Here are just a couple:

“The birthday went great!!! I had The Gray Beaver™ delivered to her work with flowers & all of the ladies cried they laughed so hard. What a classic memorable gift.”

“Thank you so much!! We had a BLAST at the Women’s Night Out show. The girls laughed hysterically and fought over the Gray Beavers.”

“I am loving the Gray Beaver Club™… This will be my staple gift for my BFF’s on their 50th birthday. Thanks for understanding women and friendships.”

Recently, I advertised on the website www.fabulously40.com (would highly recommend this social network for women), and we had a giveaway. 

Three women on the site won Gray Beaver’s as part of the promotion, and began blogging about their beaver’s.  It’s quite possibly one of the funniest, most entertaining couple of days I’ve had to date following these women and all their “innuendo”.  Not only did they LOVE their Beavers, they took pictures of them, dressed them up and named them!

 

Bella Beaver

 

Bea

 

The Domestic Beava

Many thanks to Yana Berlin, the founder of Fabulously40.com and her comments about The Gray Beaver Club™.

And The Winners Are…. from victor Iggy on Vimeo.

May you each visit thegraybeaverclub.com often, and may you always cherish and enjoy your beavers!

Sincerely,

 Lauren Dance
The “Queen Beav”™
Creator and Founder
The Gray Beaver Club™

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ms. Dam Smart ordered 7 Gray Beaver’s yesterday.  That’s right, SEVEN.  Why does she need 7 Gray Beavers in her house when she probably already has a perfectly good one there already?  I’ll tell you why:  She is DAM. SMART.  And prepared.  Those little Gray Beavers are on their way to a closet somewhere, where Ms. Dam Smart will place them until the appropriate time.  Once a friends birthday is looming, there will be no panic, there will be no frantic emails or phone calls to The Gray Beaver Club asking about shipping on a Saturday for Monday delivery (won’t happen). She will just walk to her closet, pull out a Gray Beaver, and off she goes to be the LIFE of the party with the perfect gift.  Did I NOT say that this woman is SMART?  Oh, and did I mention she received FREE SHIPPING because her order total was over $150?  DAM!  Get this woman a medal.

Lauren Dance

“The Queen Beav”

Owner and Founder

The Gray Beaver Club

www.thegraybeaverclub.com

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now … the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the dogs. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: “Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.” So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those “cold wax” kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I’m not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (”Cold wax,”

Yeah … right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the dogs, and locking the doors, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself….RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!! … OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half the strip. crud! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out…must stay conscious…

must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe……………..

OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip! There’s no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip…it’s not!

I touch.

I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake…remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut.

Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, “Please don’t let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!”

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I’ll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub … in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax. So, now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It’s a very good conversation starter “So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!”

There is a slight pause, but hey she is my friend! She doesn’t know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, “Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?

She’s laughing out loud by now…I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!!

I should be the joke of someone else’s night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I’m pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace….the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It’s sooo painful, but I really don’t care.

“IT WORKS!!

It works !!” I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair … THE HAIR IS STILL THERE…….ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I’m numb by now..

Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I’m going to try hair color…….

Beaver™ Party Cocktail

What’s a Gray Beaver™ Birthday Party without a cocktail?

Below is the O’fficial Gray Beaver™ Cocktail…and let me tell you…it is GRAY’T!

This martini can be made virgin as well, just eliminate the Grey Goose®.

1 part pure pomegranate juice

2 parts Fresca®

Grey Goose® vodka, to taste

Lemon, cherry or sliced grapefruit for garnish

Mix the pomegranate juice with the Fresca®. Pour in some ice cold vodka with some ice cubes.  Shake, shake, shake.  Strain.  Pour. Drink. Repeat.

Remember, martinis are like boobies:

One is odd and three is too many.

Enjoy!

 Lauren Dance

“The Queen Beav™”

Her Profile

Her Quilted Tail

Her Feet

Her Paws

Inside of the Birthday Card

Outside of the Birthday Card

Gray Beaver Balloon Bouquet

Hope y’all love her as much as I do!

Have a Gray’t day!

Lauren

and she’s finally here!  The Gray Beaver is alive and has arrived!  I am also so excited about our Gray Beaver Birthday Bundle so that all my friends can throw their friends Gray Beaver Birthday Parties!  You will also be able to buy the fixin’s for a Gray Beaver Balloon Bouquet…imagine your girlfriend getting one of those delivered to her office on her Birthday…makes me laugh just thinking about it!

So, the Gray Beaver Blog is meant to be the place where all our Gray Beaver friends can tell their stories, and let us know how much they love this new way of celebrating getting older.  “Over the Hill” is not funny, and let’s face it…a little bit “old”.  It’s time for something new and fresh, don’t you think? 

I was in a party store the other day researching the “competition”.  Honestly…I mean, do people really buy a small dog that has a collar that says “Over the Hill”?  That doesn’t even make any sense!  I figure that the more women that know about The Gray Beaver Club…the better our birthdays are going to be.  So whether you know someone who is turning 30,40,50,60,70+ or anywhere in between…get them a Gray Beaver to celebrate!  Trust me, they will NEVER forget it!

Have a “Gray-t” Day!

Sincerely,

Lauren Dance

The Queen Beav